Dreaming of China

So I dreamt last night that we get on a plane headed for China. We are met by some Chinese officials and the nannies, speaking in Chinese with smiles on their faces, whisking us into a building. It is here we are to receive Nevin. They are happy and giggling and so pleased we will be the parents of this beautiful Chinese child. Then a nanny reaches into the crib, and gently picks up a bundle wrapped in a blanket, and with a smile says "ta she Mama" "this is Mama" and hands me Nevin. I open the blanket to see his face and its a fat little black monkey with a white face, smiling at me. (Cue the twitch and wake up.)

I've had dreams like this before. When I was hugely pregnant with Heather in my ninth month, I dreamt I gave birth and when the nurse handed my sweet bundle to me, it was a giant, fat grey tabby cat tightly swaddled in a blanket.

Maybe its the crazy cosmic energy around here lately....tornado and earthquake the same day...recovering from my surprise after surprise 40th birthday weekend....Not sure, but after seeing a frog on my roof the morning after the earthquake and tornado, I believe sitting on the waiting list for a precautionary MRI maybe worth looking into.

First Darkness, Then Light.

Every evening, I'm finding myself scouring the Internet for fellow bloggers-- more specifically, those that are adopting from Baotou. At this moment, there is a family in Baotou with only four more days before returning to the USA. I had sent them a message a few days before they departed on their journey, in the hopes if they had seen Nevin, maybe they could take a picture for us. Unfortunately, and understandably, the orphanage is not allowing pictures to be taken of the other children. I'm uncertain at this point if they even met Nevin. Sigh.

Now, my children have become very aware of Nevin "coming from China". Even my two year old on the phone with her Nana this morning asked, "Nana, are you in China?"

Often enough, the question is asked from the kids, "When is Nevin coming home?" I've resorted to answering with an explanation that involves a very special letter being mailed from China. So now, every time I bring in the mail, it becomes the Spanish Inquisition.

This leads my blog to a few pictures I saw in the post I read this morning. But first, let me make it clear that our entire family is making preparations for Nevin's arrival-- just like bringing home a newborn. His room is nearly ready, we are buying things for the trip, we sent him care pack, and we are talking about Nevin with the kids like he's already a part of our family. However, Nevin has no idea we are coming. He has no idea that in a few short months, he will be taken from his homeland, his caretakers and playmates, his culture and language, foods, smells...EVERYTHING he has ever known. Now back to pictures I saw this morning....the new daughter was obviously scared, confused, crying, hiding and evidently- grieving. As the trip moves through the blog, I begin to see some smiles, laughs and cuddles with Mommy and Daddy.

Which leads me to say, although the excitement at home is beyond belief for Nevin's arrival, I still have a great sadness for him. Not only has he lost his connection to his birth mother, we will be the bridge that takes him away from very early life in China, to his new life with his forever family in Canada. This is a guilt, if you will, that many adoptive families experience. And I have a feeling I too will be grieving and sobbing for him when we board the plane in Beijing, to head back to Toronto.

Before the light at the end of the tunnel begins, we will have to travel through the shadows before we get there.

The Red Thread Connection Is Extending

A fellow soon-to-be adoptive parent sent me an email through a yahoo group I belong to. Low and behold, she got her referral for an 18 month old girl the very same day we got Nevin's AND from the same orphanage! A lovely discovery indeed! Especially with the notion we may end up meeting each other in Baotou! It means that Nevin and this little girl maybe playmates. I sense I may have a lifetime connection with this family. They are in Florida, so its just a short plane ride...and a wonderful excuse to head south for a vacation in the future! We are connected by the Red Thread...more about that in a later post.

For now, I am diligently organizing my "care pack" to send to Nevin in China, while we wait for our travel date. Its a shoe box filled with a Fisher Price dump truck Dylan picked out, a cute little blue puppy (that I'm sleeping with for a week in the hopes my smell will be attached to it) a plush veterinarian play set complete with dog, cat and vet--all soft rattles, two outfits (that are under my pillow-- again with the scent thing) and a soft photo album with pictures of his family, house, pets, etc. With the limited Mandarin I have learned, I was able to label everything with heart stickers in Mandarin so that his caretakers can read them to him. Mama, baba, gege, jiejie, nainai, jai, etc.... Its given me extra practice...boy I need it! I'll send it off to our Agency on Monday, and they will courier the package to China.